Toys for Future Tots

My friend Renée sent me some of these links the other day. All kidding aside, some of these toys are kinda discomforting. Consider how every extreme oppressive society in history has left behind detailed blueprints noting that once they control the minds of the youth, your children will be theirs and no longer yours…

Here are the links. Should the products still be available, you’ll need to read the descriptions to really appreciate…

conditioning children to accept digital 1’s and 0’s as money

more cashless society training

ready to take on those pesky first amendment protesters [sold out]

now you can round them up and toss them in the back of the van

certified training on how to be a good police-state nazi [out of stock]

this one is awesome. he kicks down brown people’s doors

then this mean-lookin guy comes and kills those pesky civilians [sold out]

good thing this guy’s ready in case the enemy uses the chemicals we sold them

but mommy, i just wanna be a slut when i grow up [sold out]

Unfortunately, due to the strict policies of incrementalism, the Abu-Gharib Scary Interrogator™, the Gitmo Torture-Doctor Joe™, the Blackwater Drunk Assassin™, and the Dyncorp Child Rapist™ action figures will not be available until next Christmas. However, you shoppers please don’t despair, because inside sources tell us that the Hannah Montana My-First Dildo™ (glitter and sparkle models limited edition run) may be in stores as early as this spring!

This article may not necessarily reflect the present views of The Celtic Rebel, and has been left in the archive to show stages in growth and development of The Rebel Path.

*Addendum 1: playing Gestapo (oops, I meant TSA) can be fun
[includes mail-in form for personalized “License to Steal” certificate]

*Addendum 2: playing Gestapo (oops, I meant TSA) is also not gender-biased
[Anal Cavity Search Kit and Public Humiliation Manual sold separately]

~ by celticrebel on November 20, 2007.

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